When You Have Questions About Parenting
I am often approached by young moms with questions about parenting, and even though I might come up with an idea they can try, or remember something I may have done with my kids, it can feel like I don’t have much to offer them.
Normally, my answer is something like the following:
• Pray!
• Read some trusted resources & ask God to show you what information is right for your family.
• Pray for God to give you a community to learn from and parent with.
In my current season, I am able to reflect back on the past 34+ years of being a parent. I have a perspective that comes from having gone through years of trial, error, growth, and learning. (And I’m still learning!) Each season is different and we have to continually learn how to function in our new roles.
I was barely an adult when I started having children. I was processing through my own past while dreaming about what I wanted “home” to look like for my own children. In many ways, we grew up together. Much of what I did in my home while my kids were growing up was a part of my own journey and for my own growth and maturity. We may have provided a fairly stable foundation from which to be launched, but the rest is something that God has had to do in the secret places of their heart and will be a lifelong series of choices, the responsibility of which will rest with them.
In the same way that I suggest young parents do, when I was raising my children I had some trusted resources, a small group of friends that we learned from and parented with, and we prayed for wisdom with. So, how did that work out? Where are they now?
The resources: I don’t really remember the names of the books anymore, although I do remember a few of the valuable principles we applied. I remember some of the parenting advice that we decided wasn’t for us. New research, interpretations, books, and philosophies have replaced what we read 30 years ago.
The small community of friends that we had is gone. Friendships ended, some moved on, one dear friend passed away, and there is one friend that I keep up with on a regular basis and we swap grandparent stories and ideas,.
The only thing left standing: The only thing that is the same now as it was when we began our parenting journey is God. God is still there, leading, guiding, giving wisdom, and enabling us to be the parents we are called to be in this season of our parenting journey. He has never changed, left, or had to update his research and write a new book. He has been faithful through all the ups and downs of parenting, through all of our failures, and he continues to do a work in us and in our children.
Sometimes I wish I had more answers when a young parent asks a question about what they should do. But ultimately, pointing them to the One who made their children, and who created their family unit, is the best place I can point them. He is the only One who will be with them for the long haul.
I believe that God uses us in the lives of our kids, in spite of our weakness, and he uses the parenting journey to drive us to deeper dependence on Him. We are learning. Our kids are learning. God is working, and when you climb into bed at the end of the day, you can rest in the truth that “He will accomplish His purpose…” (Isaiah 46:10) in your life and in the life of your children.
I don’t have the answers for how you should parent your children, but I know the One who does!
God is faithful! I promise!
