It was a Saturday afternoon and Brian and I needed to get a few things at the drug store. We entered the store, went our separate ways, and met back at the cash register. While waiting for the cashier to ring up our items and put them in a bag, we looked at what we were purchasing, looked at each other, and burst out laughing! Numerous items meant to treat some of the more unpleasant subtle signs of aging were sitting on the counter waiting to accompany us home – heating pads and pain reliever for my aching back and medicine for his heartburn were among the carefully picked items! “We are so old!” I said to Brian as he grabbed the bag and left the store.
There are times when it is hard to believe that Brian and I have been married for as long as we have been, but most of the time I can’t remember life without him. We’ve reached a sweet point in our marriage where we enjoy being together, even if it’s just that we are sitting in the same room. There’s a comfortable familiarity that comes only with years of marriage and working through the, what now seems like, insignificant and foolish annoyances that young married couples face. Yet, it’s the working through of all the little things that equips us to properly work through the bigger issues. This is what helps to usher us into the “growing old together” years with a deep love and respect for each other that can only come because of the years of working through all those issues.
We have had over 32 years together and those years have been characterized mostly by wonderful, dream-come-true, love-filled moments! There have also been challenges, such as: 4 moves, 2 pregnancies – both babies being 2 weeks overdue, postpartum depression, a battle with graves disease, living with chronic pain, 5 surgeries, anxiety and depression, the loss of a ministry, unsuccessfully looking for a job, a couple of painful church situations, the death of 2 parents, raising and homeschooling 2 children, a season of crisis in our marriage, broken family relationships, and being misunderstood, misrepresented, and slandered by others.
We have also worked through the “smaller” challenges that come with marriage: learning to prioritize family, how to juggle extended family demands and expectations, how to respond when socks are laying on the floor, the toothpaste tube is left with no lid on, no one has taken out the trash, sleepless nights with newborns, trying to find time alone as a couple, figuring out who is going to do the dishes and who is going to bathe the babies. In hind site, all of these things are the building blocks that have made us into the people we are today and that has created the marriage that we are experiencing in our empty nest years.
When each of these circumstances are viewed though eyes of grace and worked through by applying what God has given us in His Word, we learn what it means to serve each other and work together. This is the glue that holds each building block in place, one on top of another, and what is used to produce a marriage that will last a lifetime. These are the things that God uses to knit our hearts together.
These conflicts and circumstances are often the very things that can make or break a marriage. Fighting for our marriage means we are fighting for the opportunity to bring glory to God as we grow old together. If God gifts to us this privilege, His desire is that we do it in a way that He is glorified; and He has given us everything we need to be able to do that.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3
“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6
When a couple grows old together and their hearts are knit together in a way that only God can knit two hearts together, that is a testimony of God’s faithfulness. When we fight for our marriage, with the help and strength of God, working through the hard situations and challenges one day at a time and choosing to love each other no matter what comes our way, we will find ourselves entering the empty nest season with anticipation of what lies ahead. We can be confident that God will bless us with fruitful and life-giving years if we continue to work through the daily challenges as long as we are alive.
But we cannot do this on our own.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
God is able to grow our marriages in a way that can be used to give hope to those who are watching, but we must be committed to saturating our mind with His Word and allowing it to renew our mind, so that His heart is what will flow continually into our relationship with our spouse. This is what will bring glory to God as we grow old together!
God is faithful – But we must do our part.
“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:4
